When the kids leave home

BY HERB LAGOIS

Lagois project: From the Ground Up

It’s pretty quiet around our house now. Our kids have moved out to start their own lives. We’re proud of them, of course. All three are university educated and have excellent careers. They are all making a positive difference in other people’s lives. So this is not a complaint (maybe a bit of a brag, to be honest). Still, it’s a different era for us, as it is for so many people once their kids are no longer under the same roof.

The bittersweetness

How do you deal with the silence and the void once the kids have left? The bittersweetness of it all?

You create something new. For us, it was a substantial renovation, a whole new space. It was a kind of renewal, both physically and emotionally.

When the kids were growing up, they had the lower level of our home. It was almost like their own suite. However, it had become dated and there were too many rooms. We changed it by retaining two bedrooms and creating an open area as an office for myself. It has more natural light, which I crave.

An inspirational place

When I built our house I purposely created a tall lower level that allowed for a raised wooden floor above the concrete slab. This meant we could have natural hardwood flooring (normally unheard of in basement levels due to moisture fluctuations).

The lower level is actually an inspirational place now, conducive to creative thinking and professional work. There are still enough bedrooms and sleeping space if all the kids (including significant others) visit at the same time. In addition, there’s a pull-out couch in my office.

Home-Sweet-Home version 2

When people ask me if they should move or stay once the kids move out, I tend to lean towards staying, especially if this is your family home with history and memories in a familiar and comfortable neighbourhood.

Yet, your home can grow and evolve, just as you do throughout your life. It can be Home-Sweet-Home Version Two. This could be the time to recreate where you will live in place, perhaps make a suite for aging parents or just for guests; open it up for entertaining, and still have a welcoming place for the kids to come home to. Your home can reflect your changing lifestyle.

Downsizing? How about Upsizing?

When “downsizing” seems to be a trend, you might consider going against the grain and “upsizing” with a new addition for almost anything you can imagine: a studio, a greenhouse, an expanded kitchen; a “spa” bathroom; a sewing room; an office; a home gym; a walk-in closet; a separate apartment; a sunroom; a garage or workshop; a nursery or playroom (in case of a new generation springing up). Just when one part of your life has changed, another can be rich with opportunity.

As always, however, don’t rush into any of this quickly. It’s a big change. You’ll want your next stage to be “right”. Make sure you hire the best company to suit you (see The Right Fit: How to Choose a Renovator) and go slowly through the design process. Listen to the experts and make sure they listen to you.

When the kids leave home, it’s your journey into the future. It’s exciting and it’s a bit daunting. I know. I’ve been there.

And there’s good news: it’s a sweet time. It’s your time. Go ahead and enjoy it!

Herb Lagois is the founder of Lagois Design·Build·Renovate, where Perfecting the Art of Living comes first.