Parenting never ends (thank goodness)

By HERB LAGOIS

Life has a way of turning things sideways -- in parenting as in renovation. But it's fun being a proud dad.

When you’re a dad of adult children, your job of kissing away scraped knees and saying yes to one more cookie is long over. But you’re still a dad. Your parenting approach just needs to be different.

I’ve been a designer and builder all my own adult life, so in my case, parenting of my grown-up kids looks like this:

My daughter, Nathalie, a chiropractor in Western Canada, was about to have an open house at her newly-built clinic so she could show it off to her patients and the community. Behind the scenes, Nathalie’s receptionist, Sarah, and I conspired to hatch a plan. I flew out to Edmonton, snuck into one of her waiting rooms and sat there as if I were a patient. The look on her face when she walked in was priceless.

It’s fun being a proud dad.

On Thanksgiving weekend recently, we had a wonderful gathering with our youngest, Daniel, and his family at their cottage. What did we do? When we weren’t out hiking, Daniel and I started a bunkie renovation. It was great to work with our hands and to create something together. However, although we had planned this for months, the scheduled date for the electrician didn’t happen. It was for a valid reason, one of those things that couldn’t be helped; but now I need to find a time when I can be there again to show the electrician where things go. Thank goodness the project isn’t urgent, but life has a way of turning things sideways ‒ in parenting as in renovation.

Coming up next month, we will be visiting our eldest son, Andrew. I’ll be helping him with a bathroom renovation (this is clearly what renovator dads do, I guess). The challenge is that Andrew lives out of the province and I'm dealing with trades I don’t know. The frustrations have already begun: no returned phone calls, no honouring of promises. (My rule in this matter is three chances and you’re out.) It confirms my pride in Lagois. We answer our phone. We honour promises, we’re honest about telling you upfront if we’re not a good fit for each other, and we ask you to be comfortable doing the same (for a good fit).

Nathalie’s clinic is a success; Daniel’s bunkie is on hold; and as for Andrew’s bathroom…if I don’t have critical trades I can rely on, we won’t rush or force things ‒ or worse, compromise with the wrong trade. If we need to postpone the renovation until 2026, so be it. I will take the time to interview the trades in person, find the right people, and perhaps plan for later.

Maybe this, too, is like careful parenting. Don’t rush, don’t force, don’t push, don’t make it happen faster than it should. You only get one shot at this, so make it your best.

Herb Lagois is founder of Lagois Design Build Renovate.